Friday, June 10, 2011

Evil Plans

  [ I actually wrote this post about a week ago. It has nothing to do with anything, but I still think my Evil Plans WERE rather dastardly (and creative! Which is what really counts), and I'm strangely proud of them. And I think they're kinda funny, so enjoy!]

  Some days I feel like I snap at the slightest provocation. At the end of these days, I usually apologize to McKay for my bad attitude, to which he generally responds, "Um, you were in a bad mood today?"

  I realized after this happened a couple of times that even though I was merely brooding inwardly of all the sarcastic things I could say to everyone who crossed my path, not actually saying them. Which is definitely a good thing.

 Anyway, I also realized that I sometimes create evil plans in my head, but I never carry through with them. Most of the time because I do not want to get arrested. Or because I'm lazy. Or because my good sense kicks in just in time. But sometimes I look back and still kind of wish I had pulled through. Especially when it was for someone who really deserved it.

 Example 1.) In one apartment complex I lived in, there was about a week where every night at four AM, a car would drive into our lot, hold their horn down for minutes at a time while the passengers would scream bloody murder with the windows down. As soon as you were slightly aware of the world again, they drove off, laughing and whooping with the joy that comes from being a jerk. Thus they successfully carried out their mission of making the entire complex pray they would contract leprosy.
  My evil plan was to plaster their Car of Evil with water balloons. Or, rather, chocolate syrup balloons. I was quite serious about this plan, but they stopped "visiting" us just as I was at the brink of spending $50 on chocolate syrup. Darn them. I still think anyone who regularly disturbs my sleep (especially since it usually takes me hours to fall asleep the first time, let alone the second), deserves a chocolate syrup balloon thrown at their car. And maybe inside the rolled-down windows that they screeched out of. I think that's fair.

 Example 2.) After discovering that I was actually one of four girlfriends for a boy I was dating, revenge obviously crossed my mind. My favorite idea involved one of our little Mormon prom traditions. Mormons love to take Oreo halves and stick them to cars to spell out simple messages to their beloved like "Prom?", thus letting them know that they are special and worth a creative asking technique that requires them to wash their car. I wanted to spell out something more like "MAN WHORE" or "SCUMBAG". You know, something classy. I might have gone through with this one, but I couldn't remember which of the 180,000 trucks in Provo was his, and I didn't want some other lucky guy receiving my message. And the Provo police always seemed to be itching for something to do while I was there, and I did not want to incur their wrath.

  Ah, well. The best laid evil plans of mice and Julia often do not come into being due to wienieness.


  1. For example one I was thinking paint-balling their car would be nice.

  2. Love it, and I would've helped with example 2 seeing as I too was one of his four girlfriends- def a man whore. -Lisa