Three and Four

Day Three:

  My dentist commented about how all wives and new moms cut their hair short like me.

 ME: [smiling through gritted teeth] It's trendy.

  Also, I need a deep cleaning apparently. Like, where they cut open your gums and scoop out a bunch of bad stuff. I jumped for joy at the news.

  Searched three more stores for Lincoln's magic binky. We were unsuccessful.

Day Four:

  Got my hair cut. I decided to finally ask if my hair dresser knew of any good shampoos for scalp itch, something I've always been mortifyingly embarrassed about.

"I don't know!" she sounds pleasantly baffled. So she sends her assistant to ask the chick at reception. Who is at lunch. So they ask her replacement. And the stylist next to us. Everyone seems thrown out of their depth by the question. Scalp itch?! Such a calamity actually exists?? Might as well ask if there's a shampoo to help hunchbacks.

  I quietly crawled into a hole and died. After I purchased a shampoo and conditioner upon the suggestion of one of the dozen people my hairdresser asked.

  Mom and I check the last possible store that could possibly have The One Binky to Rule Them All.
No luck.