We Are One [Insert Lion King 2 Song]

  Being a child is kind of what I imagine being high is like. Your thoughts make no kind of sense, but they seem very important and dramatic anyway.

  I remember when I was probably four years old, I thought that I was everyone. Or everyone was me. Like, when anyone else in the world would talk, my consciousness would rush into them and they would forget that they were me. Then their consciousness would rush back into me when it was my turn to talk. So we were all one big person, in a way, we just didn't realize it. Reading "Grendel" in high school really freaked me out because I realized I had the same reasoning as a child as a fictional monster. Then I realized that this meant that it was actually maybe possibly semi-normal to have thoughts like that, since the author obviously must have thought of it, too. Right? Right??

  Anyway, this idea of everyone being one person soon turned troubling to me. I remember pondering the implications of it in the bathtub (as one does at four years old) and realizing that this meant I was probably a bank robber sometimes. Which was the worstest thing I could think of being at the time.

  So I did what any four year old who realized they may have forgotten that they are a bank robber when their consciousness isn't in them would do. I prayed and begged Heavenly Father to please, please, please forgive me if I had ever robbed any banks.

  Kids, amIright?

  Any of you guys have strange philosophical ideas as a child?