Lately I've been thinking a lot about careers. I want to be a stay-at-home mom, and I want children. But I don't like feeling like that's what I HAVE to do to be a good Latter-Day Saint. I've been asking McKay about what he wants to do when he finishes getting his Master's/PHD in Chemistry, and part of me, I must admit, is jealous. There are so many cool options for him and so many different things he can do with his life, while I pretty much have one course of action that's "smiled upon" for the next thirty years (though McKay is extremely supportive of pretty much anything I want to do). I KNOW being a mother is rewarding. I KNOW it's probably the best thing I could do with my life. I just don't like feeling like that's my only option. Does that make sense? I know it's probably silly to be worrying about something like this when I'm not planning on having kids any time soon, (another notch against me for the zealots at BYU), but what can I say? I'm a Beesley/Palmer. Worrying and resisting are in my blood.
I've been looking into a Sleep Technician program at the college I'm going to in Oregon, and it looks pretty promising to me. Sleep Techs can make bank from what I can tell, it only takes three semesters to become licensed, and, BONUS, I don't have to cut into any cadavers! It's pretty much perfect. I like that the education is short so I can actually work at it while McKay's still in school. I like the idea of contributing (gasp!).
For those of my readers who are now mothers: Did you ever feel this way? Do you ever still? Am I just being selfish and whiney? For those of you who also have careers, how do you balance?
great post. I have a few things to say :) Andrew always worries about that same thing for me. I think it's a great idea to have that alternative contribution in your life. You just don't want it to take away from the kind of mother you want to be. Don't worry about what other people think about when you have kids (that goes for whether or not you wait.) I got to finish my degree and that's enough for me right now. I am working part time at home and I love being able to contribute and have some of my earnings be just that....MY earnings. However, I also must add that being a "mommy" really does top that all :)
ReplyDeleteFirst I need to say that I LOVE being a mom. The second thing I need to say is (even though I didn't like it at the time) going on my mission, finishing my degree and getting a job before getting pregnant with Ebby was the best thing ever. I love feeling like I had a life before babies. I don't feel like there's a "what if" in my life. As a mom it's so easy to feel like you're a robot. That it doesn't matter who you are and what you like as long as you feed and change your baby. Knowing that I had a life and made real decisions and that I knowingly and willfully 'gave that up' to become a mom is a really big comfort.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't worry about what other people think. In the end they'll be jealous of you.