Wednesday, November 23, 2011

When Good Oregonians Go Bad

  It's no secret here that Oregonians hate Californians. I can't count the many times I've heard that Californians are all secretly trying to "invade" Oregon, as well as the phrase "Californication". I don't know why they all harbor a deep fear/hatred of Californians exactly (probably jealous because "Oregonian" sounds really, really lame--c'mon, say it out loud; Or-eh-go-nee-ehn), or why they think we all secretly desire to live in Oregon, but one thing that always comes up is how crazy California drivers are.

  At first, I was inclined to agree with them. California drivers like to drive FAST, many never use blinkers, and it's called a "California roll stop" for a reason. In contrast, many Oregon drivers actually take the "limit" part of "speed limit" quite seriously. Many go five BELOW the speed limit, and they are quite content never to change lanes at all, making blinkers quite unnecessary.

  I've realized, however, that it's all relative; we all become deranged in the conditions we're used to. For example, Californians are crazy drivers in nice, sunny weather, which is what they're used to because that's pretty much the only weather we get 90% of the time. But rain is Californian kryptonite, so we all drive ten below the speed limit and come to almost a complete stop while turning, or else our vehicle may suddenly tip over and roll across the neighborhood, crushing all in its path. OREGONIANS, however, fear the sun as a foreign entity and thus become overly cautious, lest a stray malicious sunbeam cause them to lose control of their vehicle. In rainy conditions, though, all bets are off. Suddenly, I find myself being flipped off by little old ladies, who speed ahead of me while I go the actual speed limit, and I find myself yelling, "WHO'S CRAZY NOW, HUH? YOU, THAT'S WHO!"

  It's been a rainy week, if you can't tell. But tonight I will be back in my beautifully hideous hometown, and I can stop getting dirty looks for going the speed limit while that evil sun is out. See you on the flippity flop, Oregon! And *snicker* Oregonians.

  Has anyone else felt discriminated against for having lived in California, even though you grew up in the ghetto desert part of it? Or, you know, just discriminated against in general?


  1. We we moved to WA from CA, and people would ask where we were from, I always explained that I had grown up in OR. Call me a coward, I guess, but I do feel the need to distance myself from CA when talking with Pacific Northwesterners. (I think the anti-California sentiment is stronger in Oregon than Washington, though.)

    I can explain the fear and hatred, however: Oregonians do not want outsiders messing with their state. "Those" Californians can prance into town with their money and buy up property, and pretty soon the little-town, down-home feel of the state has been replaced by glitz and glamour. The fear of outsiders coming in and changing things is not without precedent. For an extreme example, look up Rajneeshpuram on Wikipedia.

    I enjoy reading your "Help! I'm in Oregon!" blog entries. Oregonians can be a quirky lot. Enjoy the sunshine while you're home!

  2. Is it just me or does "Oregonians" look a little too much like "Orangutan" to anyone else. Nope, just me, okay then. I have to laugh in my head all alone every time I see it then.

  3. Ive always called them Oreonians. Sounds more pleasant