Merry Christmas, From the Allreds!

  And to all a good night.


 Thanks be to my friend, Leah, for the photo! If you want to book her, let me know and I'll get you her contact info. She's awesome.

Halloweenies 2014

   Skipping birthdays and all that junk, heeeeere's Halloween!

  So, I chose a "Firefly" (Joss Whedon's amazing space-cowboy-outlaw masterpiece) theme for this Halloween back in . . . June? I figured Lincoln's costume would take a bit of work, and mine and McKay's would be easy-peasy. I was going as Kaylee, McKay as Wash, and Lincoln as Mal. Here are some reference pictures if you don't know:

Wash upper left, Kaylee upper right, Mal on the bottom. Anyway, I figured for mine and McKay's the main thing we'd need is coveralls. McKay already had a Hawaiian shirt from a different Halloween costume that didn't pan out, and I figured there'd be a billion shirts like Kaylee's at the thrift store, it's got a very nineties vibe. 

  I . . . was wrong. My shirt was easily the hardest thing to find, I went to the thrift stores every few weeks since June and could find nothing. Also, coveralls are INSANELY expensive (at least to college students), and I looked for weeks to find some under $80. I finally found a website where they were listed at $40, and I leaped at it. Unfortunately, they didn't have any olive-khaki color in my size, so I bought the white with long sleeves. McKay's were spot on. 

  Here's a picture of my coveralls (and Lincoln, who couldn't understand the concept of a picture without him in it), after I'd already de-hemmed the sleeves into oblivion.

   Next was the dye. We don't have a washer and dryer, and I didn't want to potentially ruin a friend's next load with leftover dye, so I decided to use our sink. It was a long, long hour of turning the coveralls in the sink. And then I looked at the package for the thousandth time and realized I only had to do it for half that long. GAH.

  Here was the awful result! I was pretty disappointed at how uneven the dye job was (but, really, what had I expected with that huge thing bunched up in the tiny bathroom sink?), but then I remembered--Kaylee's coveralls aren't exactly squeaky clean. In fact, they're filthy. So I shrugged it off. And dyed them one more time in an attempt to make them slightly less mint green.

  McKay tried his coveralls on . . . to discover that the sizing was off. Way, way off. McKay's usually a 34-34, so I got a 36 to be on the safe side. When McKay pulled them on, he had a good five inches of ankle showing. I couldn't remember what site I'd bought them off of, plus I hadn't even bothered to have him try them on for MONTHS because I was so sure they were going to be large on him, so we were pretty much stuck. But since the Hawaiian shirt covered up the middle, McKay added a panel of cloth in the torso, and they fit pretty well after that. I got zero pictures of this process.

  Lincoln's costume turned out to be the easiest. Mostly thrift store finds, just needed some extra buttons on the pants for the suspenders, plus I added the brown line down the sides. The coat was from a cheap Hobbit costume we bought, so we've already got next year's Halloween pretty much covered for him.

  I had also bought some cheap temporary hair spray dye for McKay and I so we could be the brunettes/red heads we were supposed to be. I even thought I could share mine with Lincoln. But did you know that cosmetics people don't believe anyone would want to spray their hair a normal brown color? I looked at half a dozen stores, and none sold brown hair spray dye stuff. Finally found one that was labelled "burnt brown". Good enough.

  We decided to use the ward Halloween party as a test run for the hair dye. And thank goodness we did. It was a DISASTER. Dye everywhere, the fumes nearly made McKay throw up, my spray was way too dark, and because I have so much hair, it ran out before we'd finished. Leaving me with skunk hair. And McKay wasn't thrilled with his neon orange hair, either.

    Thank goodness we did it on me before Lincoln. He would've freaked the freak out.

   Lincoln kicking butt at the games. He did very well, mostly because people tend to let cute two year olds cheat. A LOT. After a few tries he gave up on throwing and gently placed the spiders inside the buckets.

   The sister missionaries were doing face painting. They nearly fainted when Lincoln said he wanted a train. I had to look up a picture of a train on my phone for reference. Lincoln liked the result at least.

  Wash, failing at bobbing for apples. He kept saying he was going to have to dunk his whole head to get the apple, but if he had that water would've been straight-up poison. Lincoln grabbed the apple for him in the end.

  And now on to real Halloween! We learned from our mistakes and decided not to try dying our hair again.

   We told Lincoln to blow off his gun, which naturally turned into raspberries.

     I'm sure there's some fanfic out there with Kaylee and Mal getting makey-outy.

   Mal probably doesn't have a runny nose in it, though.

   Lincoln was very, very ready to stop taking pictures and go trick-or-treating at this point.

Aaaand we lost him. He was off to ring doorbells.

It seemed like there were fewer houses with their porch light on this year, but Lincoln got SO EXCITED for each new house, it was really fun to watch. Every time we told him to say 'thank you', though, he would turn back to the street while signing it. After every house we'd say, "Be sure to say 'thank you' out loud, Lincoln," and make him practice. And then in the excitement of doorbells and candy he would turn his back while signing it. Again and again and again. Except for the few times he said, "Thank you out loud." The payoff was when we knocked on the door of a deaf man, who looked so excited to have someone say 'thank you' to him.

Zero recognition on our costumes, but that's okay. Nerdiness for nerdiness' sake is our game. Happy Halloween, everyone! Hope you had a fantastic, sugar-fueled night!

Enchanted Forest . . . Disneyland's Slightly Twisted Cousin

  A few weeks ago, my friend Shanti and I took our toddlers to the (in)famous Enchanted Forest. You may not have seen, the local gem that is Enchanted Forest recently made the prestigious list of "World's Creepiest Parks for Kids" (seen here). Note that it didn't say "in Oregon" or even "in America". This park made this list out of all the parks IN THE ENTIRE WORLD. And, boy, did it live up to the reputation! Within the first hour, I can't even count the number of times Shanti and I turned to one another to say, "I can't believe how creepy this is. I'm seriously a little frightened." And luckily for you, I took lots of photo and video to document it!

   A few weeks before we visited, this Humpty literally had a great fall. Hence the ladder and missing bricks.

   The witch animatronic inside here made me scream aloud. Her chin was bigger than my head. I tried to get a video, but it was so dark you couldn't see a thing on camera. I think they do that on purpose.

   Mary and her sheep-dog thing.

This looks way worse in person. Trust me. 

   This was kind of cool, in an I-don't-want-to-do-it way. You could crawl through this long, pitch dark tunnel that went under the walkway for about fifteen yards. Lincoln pronounced it "dark" and "scary", and would not enter. Couldn't blame him. Those words were repeated often that day. You can hear it in this video:

  This was for the seven dwarves, if I remember correctly. There was a whole tight tunnel (but adult-sized this time. But forget about it if you're obese, those things were really, really narrow) that showed said dwarves mining, surrounded by green glowing waterfalls that did not photograph well. It was very eerie.

Jack and Jill did not look like they were "tumbling" down the mountain. Unless "tumbling" is another word for "being chased by monster demons".

   Lincoln was very curious to see what might be up there. By the way, this led to a slide. Don't you love the fangs? Nice touch.

   I like how the Crooked Man looks like a peeping Tom for his own home. 

   I took one step inside and felt like I was going to puke. I'm getting old. Lincoln and Magnus kept falling down. Shanti noped out, but I went through the "dark", "scary" house with the kids. And got to see this face:

   This picture looks more blurry than it is. Know why? BECAUSE THIS WAS PAINTED WITH FOUR EYES. I don't know why, guys. I don't have any answers. I'm only here to document.

Honestly, I've never heard of The Crooked Man, so I don't blame you if you haven't either. But everyone knows the Three Bears of Startling Flexibility!

   This one Shanti and I were like, "Hey, this one isn't so bad! Nothing too freaky about it." Until you get to the other side, and . . . 

   MOLDY WOLF THING.

   This park didn't make you sign a waver (or maybe it did, I can't remember), but every attraction had signs like this one. 

  After the fairytale/nursery rhyme walk-through section there were the shops and rides. We braved this bobsled ride, which included exactly zero seatbelts. I screamed for a lot of it, but it was good fun, I must admit. It reminded me of the amusement park McKay and I went to in China, where you were seriously afraid for your life the whole time. Added adrenaline!

   This is Shanti, and you can just make out Magnus' head, in the bobsled behind us, going up, up, up!

  The shops are interspersed with more fairytale animatronics, these ones in better lighting so I could share them with you lucky folks! It really doesn't do it justice, though, which is too bad. The blue fairy from Pinocchio looked like she had hung herself after chopping off her feet:

  Really, though, as scary as Enchanted Forest is (Shanti and I were both too chicken to check out the haunted house because, really, I hate to see what they come up with when they're TRYING to be scary), one thing you can say for them is there is a lot to do. A restaurant we took a break in had a fun water show every seven minutes, though even that was terrifying from time to time when the music became more intense and the lights all turned red.

While we were looking through the shops, Shanti told me, "Julia. Turn around." Again, I literally screamed out loud, seeing these guys hanging outside the shop windows:

  The kiddie rides were a big hit, but unfortunately, they also hit your wallet pretty hard. In addition to entrance fees, you needed to buy tickets to go on the rides. These tickets are 95 cents each (so basically a dollar) and most of the rides are 2-4 tickets. The bobsleds were four, meaning it cost eight bucks for Lincoln and I to ride it. Once. Most of the kiddie rides were two tickets (I think), and the kids could go on those without us, so those were a bit cheaper at least. Lincoln's favorite was (unsurprisingly) the TRAIN! The train that looked like it was designed by a 12 year old girl using photoshop in the early 00's.

  Gooooood times. This train was like Enchanted Forest's version of the Casey Jr. train at Disneyland. This train led you through the sights of:

   Old McDonald's Farm! (Cows say: HELP ME)

 Elfland!

And Cinderella's castle, surrounded by Pinocchio's village. Aaaand . . . that's it. Those were the three sights. Though, to be fair, there could have been zero sights and Lincoln still would've been thrilled.

  Lincoln also had a grand old time on these motor boats. The second time he went the guy let them go for like 5-10 minutes, which was pretty awesome of him.

  Really, though, we spent three hours at Enchanted Forest and the kids had a blast. Lincoln watches those animatronic videos on my phone over and over. And even with entrance fees and the ride tickets, we were out about twenty-five bucks. Compared to Disneyland, that's parking money. So, while it may not be Disneyland standard, for the fun the kids had and the "wow" factor (not exactly a good "wow", though), it was well worth the price. I think it was a good bonding experience with Shanti, too. We both survived Enchanted Forest with minimal emotional scarring. I think we're the stronger for it.

The Week of the Gallbladder

  About a month ago, I woke up at four AM on a Sunday morning in extreme pain. The kind of pain you can't escape from, not with changing position, not with pills, there's no relief, ever. McKay was sweet and stayed up with me, looking things up on Web MD and giving me massages, but nothing seemed to help.

  At eight, I was giving up hope that the pain was going to go away by itself, so I texted my Dad. Who informed me that my time was up. It was Gallbladder Season, a very much non-magical time in every Beesley girl's life when your gallbladder just up and decides that it hates you and wants to cause as much havoc as possible before it's removed.

  Fast forward one week. My gallbladder is removed. This made me happy, not just because it meant I could eat cheese again (a week without cheese is a long week indeed), but because it meant the bestest possible outcome ever.

  My mom was coming to take care of me.

 The first couple of days were pretty quiet. My big outing Monday was going to Costco, and even that left me shaking by the end. Getting your gallbladder out is weird, because for the first week, you can feel your organs rearranging themselves every time you stand up. It's a funny, nauseous kind of feeling. But by Wednesday, I was able to stand for longer periods of time.

  Mom is like a fairy godmother, making everything better everywhere she goes. And, like Cinderella's godmother, I always end up looking a whole lot better by the time she leaves. This is because we both love shopping, and I live pretty close to a tax-free outlet mall. Woot, Oregon!

  Thursday I was recovering from our epic shopping trip, so we stayed more low-key, walking around Corvallis' downtown, and eating far too much dessert at a local bakery.

   I loved showing Mom Oregon, because it was like everything was new and exciting again. Flowered bushes? BEAUTIFUL. Victorian houses? GORGEOUS. A bridge over a lake? AMAZING. I think I almost had Mom converted and ready to move . . . until the snake. But we'll not get too into that. Suffice to say, Mom's screaming broom action, herding the snake out my front door (yes, it was indoors. IN MY KITCHEN), was the most terrifying, hilarious thing I've ever seen.

  Friday was our last day, and Mom really wanted to see Newport. We stopped at the aquarium first.

   This otter was either snoozing, or doing a great impression of it. 

The sea lions were a big hit.

   I love the aquarium in Newport because they've got lots of interactive parts for kids. It was hard to tear Lincoln away from every section. Lincoln loved fishing, though eventually he figured out it was just easier to reach in the barrel and grab them out by hand. Who needs a pole? I think if he ever goes fishing for reals, though, he's going to be disappointed that magnets are not actually the best bait.

   Touching an anemone. You're allowed in this part, I promise. It's pretty awesome.

  LOOK AT IT, GRANDMA. LOOK AT IT ALL.

After the aquarium, Lincoln was pretty close to shutting down completely. It was already past nap time, and he was FREAKING OUT. But Mom really wanted to see the beach. So we headed over to the coast, and thank goodness we did, because I've never seen such fantastic weather there. Not only was it not very windy, the water was, if not warm, a tolerable kind of cold! AMAZING!

   Lincoln took some convincing at first that the sand was not, in fact, evil. He mistrusted it deeply, but once we got in the cooler, more hard-packed stuff by the water, he seemed to have accepted it. Even, dare I say, enjoy it.

  Once Mom and Lincoln were in the water, all bets were off. Lincoln LOVED the waves, racing in until he was chest-deep. I, being the over-prepared Beesley that I am, had brought him a swimsuit and change of clothes, but hadn't really expected I'd need it. But it turned out that for once I wasn't prepared ENOUGH, as Mom and I both wished we'd done the same for us. Lincoln continued to run heedlessly into the waves, laughing manically, having no healthy amount of fear in him. Luckily Mom was always next to him, holding his hand as he charged deeper and deeper into the water. He probably could have continued to jump in the waves for hours, but once he started shivering we decided to call it quits. He fell asleep almost instantly on the way home.

   For reasons we could never discern, Lincoln called my mom "Die-to" all week. Not sure what that was about, but when she drove away Saturday, the rest of the weekend he would look around and fretfully ask, "Die-to? Die-to?" It broke my heart, because I missed her, too.

  Mom's the best. Wish I had another gallbladder to remove to get her back.

  OH, also, you want to see what gallstones look like?

  Yuuup, my body made those. Pretty gross, right? Lincoln was fascinated and liked using the container as a maraca. I'm eternally grateful that the lid didn't pop off.