Saturday, September 24, 2011

In Which There is a Lot of Crying Involved

  Pregnancy is weird. The last two days have been especially so. This morning I cried off and on for hours, with little to no reason, and every time I started to get out of my funk, a random thought of little consequence would set me off again. I cried so much I became dehydrated, people. Yeah.

  McKay called around noon to ask if I would be joining him at a Chemistry BBQ he was required to pick up after. I broke down while telling him I didn't think I was mentally stable enough to attend. I then spent the next few hours playing tetris on my phone while watching Frasier, crying intermittently. I both abhorred the idea of being around people, and felt incredibly lonely, along with a number of other contradictory feelings that make no sense.

  Around four, I heard McKay taking the trash cans back from the curb. This may not seem like a big deal to you, but it set off my "happy tears". McKay is a grad student. It's rare he comes home from work before seven, and him coming home early (especially when he had to go back for the BBQ) was extremely touching.

  So we cuddled. I cried some more. McKay tried to talk me through the reasons for my depression, which was sweet, though impossible, as the only true reason for it was chemical imbalance. We ate brownie batter, which I had made hoping it would magically stabilize my mood (it didn't). When I finally calmed down enough, we went on a walk. We put Sylvester in his special cat-leash McKay made, and carried him to the park (he refuses to walk in the leash, but we still use it so we can let him "explore" once in a while--meaning, stand paralyzed on the ground while we try to drag him after us), where we looked like crazy people to the extreme, taking our cat down the slide and climbing rocks with him. I think we scared the mothers of the toddlers, which for some reason made me very happy.

  When we came home, I didn't feel tears at the edge of my eyes for the first time all day. I even felt normal enough to go to the BBQ (which was boring, but that's besides the point), and I've been fine ever since.

  Anyway, I just wanted to say that some days don't make sense. Some days all the crying and brownie batter in the world won't help. Some days the only cure is a husband to cuddle and a cat to take on a walk that makes you laugh for the first time that day. Or whatever your equivalent of that is. Some days you just need to step outside and remember that there IS an outside.

  Any random sad days for you guys? What do you find helps you?

5 comments:

  1. I must admit, I thought of you while watching The Office on Thursday. Pregnancy hormones really do mess with emotions. Hang in there!

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  2. I have those days ALL THE TIME and I'm not pregnant. Depression is crappy like that, but at least my medicine helps most times and I'm not going to be pregnant again (mostly because I spend almost all 9 months manically depressed). Only a few more months and you will be back to normal! Hang in there, we all understand what you are going through and avoid all dog commercials!

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  3. I've heard Utah is one of best areas for piano sales. Do you think that's true of Kleenex, too? Between testimony meetings & the large number of young pregnant women there, it could be quite the market.

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  4. Oh MY. Julia. This morning. I woke up. At 4. Crying from a bad dream... Cried some more when Jared touched me and I got happy that he is all mine. Then he got up to leave at 6, two hours later... and I cried (not more, because I hadn't stopped since 4. I lied awake with irrational thoughts about what if Jared dies on the way to exercising this morning). I kinda pulled myself together in the shower, only to fall apart again with happy tears when he walked through the door after exercising...Needless to say, I'm glad to know I'm not alone in the world... and I haven't figured out the fix!

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